Hanging Garden of Bathalon: Don't Try This At Home

Has some potential, eh?  Speaking of houseplant "successes"...

Should you be toying with the idea of "back to nature" bathscaping, critique this picture before clinging to your own bathtub toe holds to balance a 10 lb planter in all its green Cthulhu tentacled glory on a make shift ledge.  While I haven't ruled out the vision of a bathroom that resembles the Lincoln Park Conservatory orchid room, let's just say there is no shortage of reasons the current crop is checked into rehab on the balcony.  

What's wrong with this picture?  

1.  No natural sunlight:  Even though these species are hardy jungle dwellers, they need some degree of light.  Our bathroom lights have motion sensors, so we couldn't even set those to stay on as a proxy (not to mention ideally, we'd upgrade to full spectrum fluorescent instead of incandescent).

2.  Pot positioning:  Most obvious-- Kai can (and has) knocked over the orchid and rooted around in the Dracaena.  Granted, reaching through a curtain of vines for your shampoo is rad...  but not if watering said plant washes soil particles into your soap, or if the hassle of taking the plant down to water it means it goes thirsty and you're reaching through a curtain of yellowed unhappy leaves. 

3.  Brown Leaves & Water Choice:  Watering some of the other planters with Koi water in the mornings created thriving beds.  However, I learned Dracaena is prone to tip burn caused by overly alkali conditions (and stress).  Fish excrement tends to be alkali as well.  Having plants in the water off-gassing C02 overnight helps to neutralize the water, but all we have in there is a bit of algae and some horsetail.  If we keep using pond water, perhaps we'll need to soup it up with more hyacinths.